After a guy I wasn’t interested in asked me out at work and I was telling my co-workers about it a guy turned to look at me and told me I was really nasty and mean for rejecting this guy (I told him to add me on fb rather than give him my number which he had at first asked for). He told me the guy in question had “probably worked up to it all night” and that he “seemed like a canny guy”. I am ashamed to say that I immediately found myself defending my actions, I said I wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time, I’d known the guy for a long time and thought it would be weird, I stopped just short of admitting I did not find him physically attractive.
When thinking about this situation afterwards I got more and more angry with how I had felt that I should act, and what had been said to me.
Firstly, I did not have to defend my actions. I later realised this when telling my friends and seeing when the story was typed out how ridiculous it was that my co-worker was telling me I was a nasty mean person. It is ok to reject a man. We are not responsible for maintaining their delicate egos.
Secondly, it is ok to reject a guy you know nothing about personality wise on the basis of looks. Maybe if I had talked to him more then I would have considered giving him my number even though I was not physically attracted to him, maybe he had the best personality in the world and I was a fool to reject him. However a. this is unlikely, and b. I gave him my fb and if I later discover this glittering personality I’m sure I will give him my number.
The point is that the expectation that women should do exactly what a guy asks (especially if he is so nice about it) straight away and are not allowed to offer a compromise they are more comfortable with is quite frankly, bullshit and a product of a society that does not respect women’s autonomy.