The Struggle that is Feminist Dating

by Jess Poyner


I saw this cartoon a couple of months ago on a post about how negative stereotypes of feminists haven’t really changed over the past century. The way to insult a woman who fights for her liberation is apparently still to proclaim her an ugly jealous spinster – obviously no man can love a woman who believes in social, economic and political equality for all genders.

Obviously, this is sexist trash from misogynistic men. However, I can definitely relate to my suffragette sisters’ difficulties in finding a potential partner who’s not going to piss me off or oppress me, whether in short term shags or long term relationships.

After a while of being romantically and sexually uninterested in the people around me, I started trying out the wonderful world of Tinder.



Wow. What an interesting space. One of the first messages I received was from a white guy saying “Ma nigga”. What an introduction.

And so I decided to change my Tinder profile – it now looks like this:

The idea being that it weeds out people who are most outwardly little shits. It’s also a good starting point of conversation with people who do get it – yes they do exist.

A conversation with a white lesbian who fetishes black women shocked me – I kinda knew people like that existed but I hadn’t really experienced anything on this level before.

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I think it was this convo that really made me put up my guard a lot more; a kind of self-preservation technique against sexist racism.

Learning more and more about social justice movements has been incredibly important to my understanding of the world and made me a better ally to different liberation movements, but it also limits the amount of people I trust to become intimate with significantly. Though when you look at it, that’s probably a good thing – who wants to date an arsehole who doesn’t respect you or your friends?

Be proud of your high standards.






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